I need to take a break soon. I keep saying I'll write about it in the morning, there is an enormous silence between my twin and I, something irreconcilable, and I know that I have unraveled a little bit, I am not understanding things and my jokes are not going over, I am just not processing things properly. I'm angrier than normal, more unstable and more volatile, I have some kind of strange spotlight on me, and I don't want it, and I don't need it, I don't want attention from anyone, I'd prefer to close my eyes and have the entire world go dark too, I am not well, I am sick, and I keep wondering if everyone else is sick too, because when people smile or seem happy - I feel like it's artificial, I am not always treated fairly by others, and I am my own worst enemy, no one hurts me more than I do, because to be totally honest, which is all I ever try to be, if I didn't think so much about everything, I'd be much, much happier, and they regard me harshly and sadly, I disappoint them.