I have these terrible headaches, it feels like bees are inside my head, if I am stable I am criticized, if I am unstable, I am criticized, if I am angry or volatile, violent, it doesn't matter, I am guilty, there's no forgiveness for the wrong things I do and have done, I am always wrong, it's me, whatever it is, it's me, I am the problem, I am at fault, I did it, whatever it is, it was me, I'll admit it, others will lie and deny things and point fingers, but I'll say I did it and I'll say why and that I would do it again if given the chance, God knows me, God sees everything, I hide nothing, I don't pretend to love people or hate them, I am honest, if you are loved by me, you know it - and if you are hated by me, you definitely know it, but my head hurts, it does, I have been to so many doctors since childhood, it was sinuses, tension, cluster headaches and now, the tombstone I carry on top of my head, migraines, we settled on migraines, these evil things that start around my eyes and end up piercing my forehead, I take hot baths to try and soothe the unsoothable and distract from the continual suffering, how we try to endure the unendurable however we can, that's a headache, that's what they feel like, I once had a headache for 28 days out of a 30 day month and no one knows why, imagine that, and people get upset with me for being cantankerous or moody, as if I should be chipper, happy and jovial, I wish I could be what people want, I'd be a different person all together, because I don't want this body either, this brain that does not match, this shell, this life, I do not want it, and it's not what you think, I don't deserve it, none of us do, they do not deserve me either, they cannot, none of us deserve anything, we really don't. I don't. I just don't.