I am tired of being treated like I am a monster, I am a monster, I'm vulgar, I can be cruel, I can't control my temper, I'm the potent victor of this hot and searing rage because I hurt inside, my insides are rotten, slimy and black, I am diseased, my head hurts, I am sick of all of it, living and loving, blankets and an old, mean dog named Melvin, renumbering things, one long sentence, the fine art and craft of writing, an author of myself, remembering things and forgetting things that hurt, I miss Bean, my little mean chocolate chihuahua, I miss falling in love, JeΝ· was the only one who mattered and she broke my heart bad, she murdered me, I murdered me too, I want the whole world murdered and raped, my first time was being raped by a woman named Julie, she was married and in her 30's, I was barely a teenager, I didn't understand, things you want that destroy you in the end, nirvana and bliss, Hilary, I hate my brain and I hate my thoughts, Elizabeth, my dead family, dead in the fucking grave, Jessika, I hate my life, this slow disease, my life, this prison, Melissa and Megan, aka Ojay, the prisms, Annabelle, my brother, the great Waldini, DeWalt, redneck central, you're supposed to be here to help me, why aren't you here with me, I need you, hurt the people who hurt me, wreck them, no one cares about me, I want pot-belly pigs, a Georgia sun, my bloody egg in a forest of funeral-like fun, Bengali tigers in the trees, white roses raining down like a love that ain't for me, I want to be under the ground, I do, I am unbearably unhappy, I am sad under oath to thy God, I think about it every day; every endless night, I am troubled, I am hurting so bad inside, I want to be under the ground, spitting rain on my red bricks and small coffin, smooth and sleek, velvet skin, a stupid fucking echo and knife beating and bleeding from the heart of a widow, I wish I was dead, I want to be what is dead.