Maybe you will not go to church today but hear this. God is in eternal existence, they murdered Jesus for a reason, he stood up to these people and said who He was.
God hasn't changed, he doesn't change and adapt to each generation of people, many of which who act exactly like those before Abraham was, the same anger, the same stones thrown, those who crucify, the inequity, God knows who is who, the guilty and the baptized innocent. Christ took the Hell that we all deserve, it's literally the hardest thing to do, and he forgave.
I have trouble forgiving, you have trouble forgiving, Christ was being murdered on a cross and He forgave his murderers.