I like when the leaves are blackened, rainy and gloomy Fall weather in the dead of winter, the sound snow makes when you crunch it under your boot. I doubt it'll snow here in beautiful Clermont, my pasture with no horses or donkey. I hope I can feel better soon. I hope you all feel better also. A continuous sickness is slow and painful, my dreams are troubled, a lot is going on and it's too much for me. I am shutting down. I shut down when I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to speak. This is how I speak, these typed words, that's all I have to give now. No one reads it and that's fine. I like silence.
I feel like sometimes if the things I repeat are not the word of God then God never spoke. It’s all real, you should believe it and feel it and know it by now, even the bad stuff, it's all there for a reason, they are tests, even if you have a heaven sent grief that has absolutely killed you, I have this and it has killed me and I am writing, I am still writing.. it never ends, each ink blot a hurtful passage into the soul of someone you will never know. Why would anyone read it or compliment it. I still haven't thanked Mr. Hissner for his kind and sincere words about what I wrote on the boxing platform, I am terribly embarrassed and I can't do it, I cannot even thank someone who deserves kindness in return.
